In the News

A Field Guide to Male Intimacy

03/25/16

Modern Love
By MAX ROSS

When my car’s battery died on a bitterly cold January day, my father refused to come to my apartment in south Minneapolis to give me a jump. He drives a Tesla and claimed (not quite accurately) that using it to power a regular car would cause it to short-circuit. “Plus, it’s nasty outside,” he said, “and, as you know, your father is a wuss.” Luckily my stepfather, Kevin, agreed to help. He is bald, clean-shaven, slender, friendly and handy. An agricultural engineer, he has a master’s degree in weed science and subscribes to journals such as “Wheat Life.” He always knows what time it is. “I’ll be there in 15 minutes,” he said. He arrived at my apartment in 15 minutes. I thought this would be my chance, finally, to impress him. The winter before, I had called him in distress when my car had blown a tire. I didn’t know how to change it, and he had to do it for me, kneeling in the cold on the side of a busy street. He had also, at various points, fixed leaks in my kitchen and helped me assemble (that is, he assembled) a desk from Ikea. Around him I felt inept, and although we are polite to each other (kind, even), my sense is that he views me as his wife’s hapless son, part of the bargain of marrying her. I did know how to jump a car, however, and now made a demonstration of setting the cables in place. “The red clamp’s on the positive terminal,” I said with authority. Kevin fixed the corresponding clamps to his truck’s battery and said, “Let’s give it a go.” I prayed that the jump would work and that my competence would be established evermore. Outside my window, Kevin gave a rather solemn thumbs-up. I turned the key. The engine sputtered, didn’t engage. I tried again. Nothing. “Looks like you’ll need a new battery,” Kevin said. He and my mother met seven years ago through a dating service called It’s Just Lunch. They discovered common interests in hiking and wine. They went on trips to vineyards, first in rural Minnesota, then to Napa Valley and the Oregon coast. On their hikes, they wore clothes with many pockets and zippers. In the evenings, they visited wineries. Within a year, they were engaged. I was relieved when they married. My mother had spent the previous several years in a muddle. A decade before, without warning, my father had informed her that he was gay, and their marriage dissolved. The future she had expected (simply, to be with him) also dissolved. In its place was nothing. I was 16 at the time, and for my last two years of high school, we lived alone. For her, it was an era of bathrobes, insomnia, Sleepytime tea, Kleenex, rationalization (“everything happens for a reason”), reheated leftovers and worry. Kevin appeared as a steady arm. My relationship with him has evolved slowly and sometimes awkwardly. We’re members of the same gym and sometimes see each other in the locker room. If we’re both naked, we make a point of speaking, as if doing so will shield us from the mild embarrassment of our nudity, from the Oedipal drama once removed. Our talk is stilted, crisp: “Hey! How are you?” “Good.” “Good!” “O.K. Good to see you.” “Yes!” (Exclamations are mine.) But in truth, this is how we always are. If we’re out to dinner or happen to meet in the grocery store, we still act as if we’re naked in the locker room. Now, I wondered how we might get my car to a repair shop to have the battery replaced. Kevin made it known we would be changing it ourselves.

From the back of his truck he took out his toolbox. “Yup, it’s always with me,” he said. The heads of wrenches and screwdrivers shone inside as if they had never been used. No, it was as if they had been used often but cleaned extremely well.

7 Surprising Ways to Date Smarter This Year

01/21/16

By Lindsay Tigar

I’ve spent the majority of my 20s single. Though I’ve never had a lack of option, opportunity, or dates, I often struggle with meeting someone I'd want a relationship with. There always seems to be something that doesn’t match, a timing that doesn’t pan out, a deal breaker that keep us apart, or countless other things that keep a relationship from really getting off the ground.

Love Essentially: 7 Tips to turn a first date into many, many more

09/04/15

By Jackie Pilossoph

We’ve all been there. You’re sitting across the table from someone who you think is close to perfect. Smiling from ear to ear, you sip wine and barely eat as you gaze into his or her beautiful eyes, unable to believe that after countless awful dates, you actually met someone who stopped your world.

I’m describing a really, really great first date. Unfortunately, no one gets too many of those, as lots of first dates end in disappointment, irritation, and nightmare stories you end up sharing with your friends. So, how can you turn a first date into many, many more?

How to Deal With an Office Romance

02/17/15

By Megan Broussard

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and you’ve probably got love on the brain. If you’re currently crushing on, seeing, secretly dating, or hooking up with someone in the office, you’re probably wondering if you’ve gone mental with all of the questions swirling around in your mind.

Am I putting my job at risk? Is this girl or guy worth the constant morning distraction and pressure to find something perfect to wear each day? How do other people handle matters of the heart at work? Does this relationship even have a chance to work? What if it backfires?

Whoa, ok, take a deep breath. I’ve been there, and I know exactly how stressed you must feel. But, it’s sort of exciting right? Sure there’s a chance it may not work out, but you’ll never know if you don’t try. Once you know for sure that your company doesn’t have a fraternizing policy, then you’ll want to do your best to pursue your feelings in the right way. Here are tips, real life stories, and stats to help you figure out your next course of action.

What Do Men and Women Really Want for Valentine’s Day?

02/11/15

Much is often made about figuring out what men and women really want for Valentine’s Day, but you know what? It turns out the answers aren’t all that complicated. Matchmaking service It’s Just Lunch (which you might remember from that poll about whether sports and relationships mix) surveyed 1,000 of its users to get to the bottom of this often-considered question — and not only are the results not surprising, they’re actually kind of comforting. Generally, it seems like we all just want to have a nice meal and spend some quality time with our loved ones. Isn’t that nice? When you get past all the floofy decorations, florid prose, and questionable boxes of chocolates that inevitably appear during the first few weeks of February, that’s exactly what Valentine’s Day should be about: Appreciating the people you love.